Some time back, one day as I was writing after I woke up, I observed myself writing the question: “What would Master do?”
The master here is a mixture of concepts and notions like:
- the zen master who cares about being aware, deliberate, here in the moment in undivided space and time
- just a layman who cares about the transitions between actions: why do I do the next action, he asks himself before any move
- someone who is looked upto as a model of awareness and good judgement, an example in his interactions and decisions and way of conduct in this world. He needs to make sure he is being a model by example
Will power. I will do it anyway.
A master would be able to make progress regardless of the path given to him, starting even as a beginner.
This is opposite to the fluctuating mind that results from questions from self help gurus, leading life based on outside guidance, disbelief in one’s own lessons over the years of existence on earth, interaction with other humans, decisions and actions, goals and results.
One moment, and I touched back that place and image of me, settling peacefully, with a calm breath.
This feeling had evaded me for two decades! Unconsciously I have been practising it. But the let go of doubt, let go of matching to an outside notion of how once could be and one could move along the paths had evaded me although so obvious, as obvious as my existence.
In her book Emotional Agility, Susan David mentions how it is more important to have our specific idea of what being a good parent means, as opposed to accepted notions of it.
It appears in the middle of the book, in a not very conspicuous position. That statement has much to do with my notion of the master.
My own experience and life with awareness and will to do, since childhood. That is me. Unique to me and not teachable to someone else.
How did you get a particular result? Who were you then? What were you telling yourself then when you pushed through and go to that place or goal you wanted? What did it feel like when you told yourself I want this, I will get this?
Expand on that. That image of you, that self talk that led to your success, that gave you satisfying action.
For me, the goal or confidence that I will reach doesn’t matter. I am so happy and fulfilled when I tell myself “I will do it anyway” and feel that familiar discipline and will. The silent decision to take the step by step grip.
A trainer once reminded us: If it is a sports live you would wake up at 2am and watch it. Do that same to your exam prep and you will know you have done everything.
That feeling is wonderful, that goal and need to reach it fades away.
Where I studied, I used to know teens who valued discipline and will power so much that one of them even told me: If there is something I really love doing, abstaining from doing it gives an equal or higher satisfaction and joy.
I wouldn’t go to that extend. But for me, I know it matters a lot to be aware, to do what matters regardless of result, to have those blocks of will and discipline feeling.
Who were you? What did you tell yourself? At those times which you are satisfied about yourself? Expand on it. Repeat it. 1% more at a time.