One decides to be disappointed. Creates a perfect image of how the world should be, so that the present is sure to disappoint, in comparison.
The parasite she carries, has become one with her, she cares for it and calls it by her own name. (parasite as in the toltec wisdom books)
Here now, the symptoms. The chimp mind, goblins and gremlins. Disease cured now. Not accepted. Acknowledging the sickness, so we can heal. Clear progress by difference in our behaviour, growth. Towards what?
The question: What do we want? – asked as a core step of the practice.
We usually don’t want to answer it completely, afraid to take the ensuing responsibility to change. Don’t worry, we won’t be perfect. Know what we want our feelings, actions to be like. How it is different from how we are in reality. The difference is in the parasite. The gap is good. We can learn by clearly closing the gap. What do we want differently, within our each thread of thought?
Patience and gratitude, I found, is easier for me, when I compose specific images that are part of a future that satisfies me. Personally it is a particular kind of space, resources and relations. Since the opportunity cost of not being in that space because of any temporary decision is high, I can let go all current disappointments, for no reason.
The parasite image teaches me. To be deliberate. Intentional. If I need both a creative and efficient side – they have different requirements – I can build up tools that divide my energy spend to converging and diverging results.