A very clear rule.
Use the word only for the good.
This extends to Chimp Paradox ideas of what it means to function from the human part and not the chimp part:
Human includes the other person’s agenda in any discussion
Human comes to discussion to engage not to force and take away
On the other hand the peace the stability to do this comes from clearly knowing who is your tribe and who is not. Not being boundary less, being unnecessarily nice with the intention of being accepted, trying to fulfil everybody’s wishes… is counterproductive to being effective human, who respects others, gets things done. Being spiritual doesn’t mean being a doormat afterall.
Remember Adam grant and his otherish giver.
Therefore, when I know someone is not working to my interest, that they don’t consider me as one of them, and are not going to be careful of my needs or emotions, the mind tells: “Not my tribe”. The minimum socially required politeness is enough, communication is matter of fact, I am on my way.
Now, there are people who are within my tribe, who are important to me, even when we don’t match in many aspects.
What to do with them, in cases of mismatch that can lead to word games?
Just patience felt forced. Isn’t there a better way?
Something based on skill, based on better outcomes for everyone?
Chimp paradox tells me, bring out the best human in the other.
This solves the problem. Gives me clear best practice.
Not just unreasoned patience, but… my words and action should evoke no fear or fight or similar animal responses in the other.
Exude my humanness, so that it will bring out the human in the other.
Anyone on the human path, mastering these skills, takes care of others’ practice, bringing out their human.