it was gay Hendrick’s book that suggested to stop all kinds of criticism and corrections for a week and see for oneself how they are similar in nature to an addiction that just wants to come back.
I had just got used to telling ‘I like that’ ‘I like it anyway’ when disturbing claustrophobic feelings appear.
I think for me, I was ready for the exercise and just waiting for something like that. The freedom I felt when I relieved myself of the ‘duty’ to criticize and correct…
Unnecessary remnants of childhood that remain as an adult.
is it about protection? Making ourself feel existing? I think it was just an unquestioned habit which I felt I had to do.
By nature I like optimisation and avoiding waste. The moment I stopped criticizing and each time I was aware of the path to take, it agreed with my efficiency mind. I felt satisfied that now the waste of energy and time that comes from criticism and correction is no more a part of my life.
Relief. I didn’t know this though, that this is how I would feel. That there existed an opportunity to feel this way.
Only in hindsight we know what results a path or option can bring. reason why i test different paths and sources anyway, before having to decide which to follow through. A good start to end piece of a process, prototype of a life piece and we know.
how about teaching? I know how to find the positive in what the student or client is doing. Then, I look for the next 1%. It is the same thing that a criticising mind can also see, but instead of the gap, we see the reverse gap and the difference in rapport and change is entirely different.
Find positive. Bring to attention the deficiency as a possibility. Know what is the doable next 1% of it. Peaceful positive learning teaching coaching experience.
ok but what about connecting people who are around you in daily life?
no correction. in fact those are the times when one resists and abstains from the addiction to really see the nature of it and how one is relieved when not involved in it.
and again, remembering the feeling in the body and telling ‘that is alright’ ‘I even like it’ and letting it be like holding a moving, struggling animal, peacefully with no urge to push it away.
We know people who have to correct and argue. And we know what a painful way to interact that is.
if absolutely needed I would take the effort to convert it into a passive sounding suggestion or question for them to consider. And me as the listener listening to there side of things without the urge to correct.
if someone is absolutely adamant at not wanting to learn anything new but just wants to be right or liked at all times,there is nothing more to be done there anyway.
the space and energy used up by criticism was now free to be used for better higher level productive connections.
I think even at the body level I frown less and my face is softer.